The Shapes We Inherit
We dress according to the architecture and attitudes that surround us
That first part is something my husband said, the dressing according to architecture. Although there’s no scientific study to prove this, I’ve often considered how our environments shape the way we express ourselves, how we dress, speak, and move through the world.
His words also echoed in my mind recently while I was interviewed for Louise Skadhauges Substack (read here). I love Substack talks and cross-pollinations of creative minds.
I’ve been going through a difficult time personally, confronting long-buried family issues, traumas I no longer feel belong to me, yet still carry their weight. I’m working to transform them into something less toxic.
As a result, my tolerance for toxicity, especially in professional spaces, is next to none. I see this as one of the unexpected gifts of the current situation, a much needed wake-up call.
Stressful situations, especially at work, sneak into the mind and hijack our emotional instincts.
Before I left the city, I had a drink with a friend. As usual, the conversation drifted into work, and that familiar zone where overextending yourself becomes the norm.
I told her I’ve learned to sit with my words longer these days. I’ve watched too many of them pop out of someone else’s mouth. Because not all women support each other, some act as gatekeepers. Too often, the very hierarchies we work so hard to dismantle are rebuilt by us.
This isn’t just anecdotal. It’s systemic.
Across studios, kitchens, and boardrooms, women’s labor, intellectual, emotional, and physical, is still too easily erased. And yes, sometimes, the hardest truth is this -women do it to each other- because this is what we’ve learnt.
But women should break that cycle, because when we support each other something quiet and alchemical takes place. The nervous system exhales. Research shows that sharing stress in a trusted social setting can actually reduce cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress.
Psychologist Shelley E. Taylor called it the “tend and befriend” response¹ - a way women move toward connection in the face of stress, releasing oxytocin, the counterspell to cortisol. In other words, when we are heard, we heal².
That evening, I also caught myself saying something that’s become one of those “listen to your own advice” lines:
“If you find yourself in a situation where someone paints you into a corner and says,
‘This is it. There’s no other way.’ Take it as a sign; it’s not a route, it’s a trap.
Because there is always more than one way to do something. That’s the magic.”
For decades, women entering the professional world armored themselves in borrowed codes: shoulder pads, muted palettes, and sleek silhouettes that said “authority” without tipping into “emotion.”
Is it self-expression, or is it survival? Has the new era of power dressing become our shield?
I wrote these lines a decade ago when I felt the weight of life heavy on my shoulders, a nod to how we wear our troubles.
Atlas
Sometimes when you fall over and pick yourself up,
You fall back into the dark place.
It won’t happen when you think it will.
Usually, it happens when you’re unprepared.
It’s your life resting on your shoulders.
You won’t see it.
Then lift yourself up and be strong.
Let that strength make you weak.
Let the weakness make you feel
and then let go -
Accept what comes
pick yourself up and move on.
³Deadlines have become our battlegrounds. Success is a form of conquest. Language rooted in domination, not creation. We learnt the terminology we were handed and performed it well.
Strong appearances, slaying, killer instincts, and dressing to impress, this has become the grammar of power. We mimicked systems not built for us, often at the expense of emotional intelligence.
What does it signal when power continues to be styled as strength?
This contradiction plays out in our lives too. We’re encouraged to lead but often only if we obey by the old rules. If we’re disciplined and restrained, we’re praised for our accomplishments.
Moments of softness are permitted, but only as contrast, not as core. Even in fashion, feminine power is still cloaked in a physical architecture that wasn’t entirely shaped for us. The imagery hasn’t caught up to the leadership shift we claim to support.
Fashion is play, yes, but it can also be prophecy.
So maybe the new power suit isn’t a fixed form, but a shifting one.
Not something worn to survive, but something chosen to remind us that we’re meant to thrive.
That, perhaps, there is a new frontier, where we don’t abandon strength, but expand its silhouette. And learn to carry new shapes, ones that reflect who we are becoming.
Lift yourself up and be strong.
Let that strength make you weak.
Let the weakness make you feel
and then let go and move on.
References
Taylor, S. E., Klein, L. C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A., & Updegraff, J. A. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: Tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. Psychological Review, 107(3), 411–429.
Heinrichs, M., Baumgartner, T., Kirschbaum, C., & Ehlert, U. (2003). Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial stress. Biological Psychiatry, 54(12), 1389–1398.
Vuong, O. (2025). Interview by K. Tippett. A Life Worthy of Our Breath. On Being. (Spotify link, accessed July 2025).